I will try my best to answer your questions.
From my personal experience with hemorrhoids, your description sounds like you do have one. Don't get upset, they are uncomfortable to talk about, but very common. Bleeding is only one of the symptoms of hemorrhoids, but you do not have to have bleeding associated with hemorrhoids. I have been through the examinations and they are not painful. Your gynecologist is not the correct person to examine a hemorrhoid, but I'm sure could answer your questions and point you in the right direction if that is the person you are most comfortable with.
It is not normal to feel pain with a bm. Creams and ointments do not cure, they only give temporary relief, you can read that on the label. The exam will obviously entail a rectal check, but no pain, remember the doctor is very used to this, hemorrhoids are very common, and it is better to face a little embarrassment than live with them. Check out this website for more information, curebleedinghemorrhoids.com.
I hope this was helpful.